


Dreams

by jasmasson



Category: The X-Files
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2001-04-15
Updated: 2001-04-15
Packaged: 2018-11-20 06:25:19
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,389
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11330328
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jasmasson/pseuds/jasmasson
Summary: Note from alice ttlg, the archivist: this story was originally archived atThe Basement, which moved to the AO3 to ensure the stories are always available and so that authors may have complete control of their own works. To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in June 2017. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address onThe Basement's collection profile.





	Dreams

**Author's Note:**

> Note from alice ttlg, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [The Basement](http://fanlore.org/wiki/The_Basement), which moved to the AO3 to ensure the stories are always available and so that authors may have complete control of their own works. To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in June 2017. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [The Basement's collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/thebasement/profile).

 

Dreams By Jas Masson

Author: Jas Masson  
Title: Dreams  
Rating: NC17 for explicit slash and spanking  
Warning: NON-disciplinary spanking, *mild* bondage and both high sap and angst  
Disclaimer: Would I be working in a job I hate if they were?  
Spoiler: Last ep of season seven... you know the one.  
Pairing: Sk/M

* * *

Dreams By Jas Masson

The dreams are sometimes kind. Sometimes not. For months now he's been spared them only one or two nights a week. At the beginning, of course, they came every night; demanding and merciless.

Even the kind ones leave him waking with his face wet with tears.

Tonight, mercifully, is kind. There's no bright light or drowning in pain and horror as he stands there helplessly watching his heart ripped from him. Gazing numbly at the sky as he realizes he has gone. No hideously graphic agonized screams or endless streams of blood or choked recriminations asking why he hadn't stopped him. No vivid, terrifying mental images of what he might be going through, frightened and alone. There's not even the bittersweet pain of their many arguments, the looks of hurt or betrayal when the job or the consortium threatens to come between them again, the knowledge that he needs to both protect and prove himself to him over and over again. To win his closely guarded trust, his damaged heart, and the sweet rewards when he does. No. Tonight he dreams about the good times. About the first time.

Walter threw his pen down with slightly more force than was strictly necessary. If he had the energy he'd give a whoop of joy at *finally* finishing all the mountain of paperwork produced by Mulder's latest case and dance around his desk. He didn't have the energy and, in retrospect, perhaps that was fortunate as it probably wasn't suitable behavior for a sensible, respectable and, he grinned to himself, much feared A.D.

He had also decided that the powers that be had deliberately made the paperwork as arduous as possible and restrained himself manfully from poking his tongue out at the uncomprehending pile of paper. *So there*! He settled for a loud sigh and a long, long stretch that seemed to draw the final vestiges of his energy up from his toes and expel it through his fingers, and then he slumped bonelessly in his chair. It was definitely time to go home and hit the sheets.

"Buy you a drink, Sir?"

Walter looked up in surprise at Mulder's lanky, beautifully attired form leaning against his door frame. He straightened up in proper A.D. style, "What are you still doing here, Agent Mulder?"

Mulder shrugged gracefully, "Working late." He paused, "Heard your meeting went on, thought you'd still be here and could probably do with a beer."

Their eyes met and something passed between them unspoken. The knowledge that Skinner had gone in to bat for him today, yet again, with the powers that be in a marathon meeting following his latest report and hadn't even bothered to mention it, it was so expected.

Mulder couldn't thank him, not really. He believed that the truth of his work should stand for itself, that Skinner *should* support it because it was right. That did not prevent him, however, from knowing that nobody else, not even Scully on the amount of evidence that Skinner, usually desk-bound, had seen, would, and it didn't stop him appreciating it and, say, buying him a beer.

Skinner accepted the gratitude in the form it was offered, "Sure, I've just finished up here." He gestured at the huge pile of paperwork stacked neatly on his desk.

Mulder grimaced, realizing that most was related to him, "How about we make it a scotch?"

Walter smiled in agreement, and cast a final triumphant glance at the mountain of malicious paperwork as he picked up his coat.

Mulder smiled, "At least they don't have you cleaning the toilets with a toothbrush."

Shared laughter followed them out of the office, low and warm.

warmth unspoken strength and support warmth surrounded by love he remembered he did he kept it all locked away in his heart even when it slipped out of his head out of his head

They chatted about baseball and books over a couple of glasses of scotch in a small, comfortable bar nearby and Walter felt his exhaustion slip away under Mulder's intelligent conversation and unusually happy smile.

He was aware that Mulder often looked at him with a small, hopeful, pleased but wistful smile when he'd shown himself to be on his side yet again and thought he wasn't looking. There was a similar element in the smile Mulder was giving him now, but it seemed more open now, more certain. Skinner wondered if this most recent incident had finally brought it home to Mulder that Skinner really was on his side... or had at least taken him part of the way.

They walked back to Skinner's apartment together. The night air was crisp and fresh and it was so late that the traffic had thinned down enough to make it a very pleasant walk. Mulder's cheerful conversation diminished as they approached Skinner's apartment and they reached their destination in silence.

Walter cleared his throat, "Do you want to come up and call a cab?" he asked softly, as though speaking at normal volume would break the sudden mood between them.

Mulder looked up at him, eyes huge and darkly oblique in the night. He looked intently at Walter for a long moment, making him wonder what could be seen in his own eyes. Maybe Mulder would point out, not unreasonably, that he had a perfectly functionable bureau mobile, and could easily wait for a cab in the lobby or outside, or he could walk to a hotel for cab, there'd be a lot, this *was* Washington D.C. after all, there would be one nearby, or he could just wait and hail one for God's sake there'd surely be one along soon, or...

"Sure."

he is sure its warm there he remembers being warm being happy surrounded by warm strong arms feeling comfort feeling love he remembers so even when he shivers uncontrollably in the bitter unearthly cold he is still warm part of him still warm still

In the apartment it was suddenly awkward, and he supposed it should be. Out in the office or in the street they could be employer and employee but here in Walter's personal space they can only be... personal.

Walter opened his mouth to speak, to say something to take the strain out of the situation, but as he turned he found Mulder an inch from him and his lips were suddenly covered.

He was surprised that Mulder had done this, it seemed so sudden, but then he realized that in a way they had been dating for about four years and Mulder had finally taken the matter into hand. In fact, he thought, rather fuzzily, what the hell had taken him so long?

God. The lips against his were so warm, so soft and silky that thinking of anything beyond standing there and just drinking in the sweet softness of that mouth was impossible. The lips parted slowly under his, inviting invasion into the warm soft interior. Thinking at all was impossible. But then he felt a hand stroking gently down his back and a hard, warm body pressed against his and imagination reasserted itself in a rush.

He pushed Mulder's trench coat and jacket off his shoulders and ran his hands down Mulder's back, feeling the hot skin and hard muscle under the thin shirt, but still reluctant to release the sweetly yielding lips under his, he couldn't move back far enough to undo the buttons. There was a soft noise swallowed by his mouth as he pulled Mulder's shirt out and ran his hands under it feeling for the first time warm, inconceivably smooth skin. The body in his arms shivered in response and pushed harder against him.

The first touch of skin shook him to his core. How long had it been that he'd wanted to do this? How long had he known that those full lips held the key to his dreams and the lean hard body draped over a chair opposite him in his office was what he wanted more than anything? How long had it been since the brilliant, conflicted, intriguing man had first left his mark irretrievably on his heart? He couldn't remember but in that one moment it seemed as though it had been an eternity and he couldn't bear to wait any longer.

Regretfully he pulled his lips away from Mulder, delighting at the sight of him, eyes closed, lips wet and parted, slightly swollen and reddened from his kisses. Passion filled, heavy-lidded eyes opened slowly. Mulder must have liked what he saw on his face, as the smile was languorous and wicked, but strangely vulnerable at the same time. Unable to resist he planted a swift, soft kiss on those precious lips, in an act of unmistakable tenderness.

He felt suddenly awkward, aware of the naked emotion implicit in that sweet, sexless kiss in sharp contrast to the previous overwhelming passion, but was reassured by the light in Mulder's shining eyes.

He reached up gently and undid Mulder's shirt, one button at a time, and Mulder stood passive underneath his ministrations as he lingered over every inch of exposed skin until finally Mulder was divested of his shirt and stood beautifully half-naked before him.

He then watched in slow-motion as Mulder's hands drifted to his own clothes, undressing him equally as slowly, his eyes never leaving Walter's until his shirt joined Mulder's on the floor.

They stared at each other for a long moment. Skinner's shoulders looking impossibly broad, and Mulder terribly slender in comparison, Skinner's skin bronzed and healthy, Mulder's pale and smooth in the dim light. Skinner watched in fascination as, seemingly of its own accord and trembling slightly, his strong, dark hand moved up to touch the smoothness of Mulder's pale, hairless chest.

He felt the contact and the shiver that ran through both of them right into the center of his soul, and any uncertainty disappeared in the *rightness* of that gentle touch and the sudden unshed tears in the deep hazel eyes that he couldn't look away from.

His hand drifted up the chest slowly to run over the soft slightly trembling lips and over the finely boned features, to pause and then move further up to wipe away the tear that managed to escape with one broad thumb. He then let his hand drift down slowly, down the trembling shoulders and to take hold of one graceful hand. He took it gently in his and led Mulder slowly upstairs into the bedroom.

Despite having initiated the contact between them, Mulder now seemed content to allow him to take complete control as he laid him gently down on the bed. In a flash of insight Walter knew how much it had taken for Mulder to take that first step, to open himself that much, and swore silently looking in the vulnerable eyes that he had the strength to take them the rest of the way.

Despite the almost desperate passion their first extraordinary kiss had caused to flame, Walter felt able to take it slowly, to savor every moment. Mulder tasted so damn good; his full lips as soft and sweet as in Skinner's forbidden dreams. Gently Walter removed the rest of their clothes slowly enjoying every inch of pale, soft skin as it was revealed. He stared down at the incredible sight below him; Mulder looked beautiful, unearthly, in the dim light. His eyes heavy lidded and full of passion, his lips reddened and swollen, his beautiful lean body covered in a thin sheen of sweat, trembling slightly with desire, his thrusting arousal flushed and full.

He must have stared to long as Mulder suddenly shifted restlessly, flushing in embarrassment, his hands going unconsciously to cover himself.

"No," Walter's voice was unrecognizable as he caught Mulder's hands and pressed them between his own larger ones, "You are, you are *beautiful*."

He had broken the silence between them and watching Mulder shiver in reaction to his rough voice he found he couldn't stop, wanting to share everything with him. "I've waited so long to see you like this, so long."

Mulder's eyes raised in surprise and met his, emotion flowing between them, before dropping his eyes again. But he let his hands fall, exposing himself completely, even though he still blushed furiously. But beautifully.

"Please, just let me look at you."

He lied, though, as his hand once again seemingly of its own volition reached out to touch the temptation spread so vulnerably before it. Mulder shuddered under the touch and a small moan escaped him as the hand brushed over one tight, dusky nipple. Mulder licked his lips unconsciously, offering Walter a temptation he couldn't resist. Their lips touched again, and this time they kissed with such exquisite tenderness, Walter felt the world had nothing more than this in it.

Mulder shifted his position on the bed and Walter slipped between his legs, they pressed against each other, hot, silky groins touching for the first time, drawing moans from both of them. Mulder wrapped his legs around him and Walter thrust helplessly down into the welcoming, silken heat. He could easily have lost himself this way, with Mulder in his arms, wrapped around him, the smell of him the taste of him the feel of him, but Mulder started to push him off. Bitter disappointment filled his mouth and for a brief, heady moment he clasped the hot slender body closer, refusing to let go. Then he remembered the hard won expression of trust in beautiful eyes that had so taken his breath away and regretfully released him, prepared to give Mulder whatever he needed.

Mulder's eyes were huge and dark with lust, panting and flushed, his words were low and strained, "Not enough," he breathed raggedly, "Not enough."

Walter watched in dazed confusion as Mulder stretched to reach his discarded pants and retrieved a tube of lube. Heat rushed over him and he was sure his heart would stop as Mulder pressed it into his hand, amazed that Mulder had been prepared, amazed that he actually wanted this. He waited frozen in lustful shock as Mulder stared at him, waiting, until finally Mulder sighed and took the tube from Walter's hand squeezing lube onto his fingers and spreading his legs, placing Walter's hand at his center.

Walter felt the soft, yielding heat of him and groaned deep within him as Mulder shuddered, "You really want this?" he asked roughly, knowing another moment and he couldn't possibly stop, he had to be sure.

Mulder looked deep into his eyes and smiled, seeing the uncertainty and pressed his hand to Walter's face, "Walter," he said softly in a rough voice, "I'm sure. I want you. I... trust you. Please."

Walter's heart was irretrievably lost in that moment. And he knew it. And had never felt so happy or complete. He pressed his lips to his, *his* Fox's beautiful lush mouth and pressed his finger into that hot, tight place.

Fox groaned, spreading his legs wider, writhing as Walter pressed insistently into his body, stretching him with one then two fingers. He felt the approach of a third before pushing Walter's hand away.

"Enough. I need you. Now. I need you now," his rough voice a mixture between a plea and a command.

Walter really agreed and slicked his straining cock with the remaining gel on his hand before pressing it against Fox's tight ass.

It was so incredibly tight, so hot and his cock ached so, it was torment to go in slowly, to ease into the hot, welcoming body. But he tried, he really did, but suddenly Fox wrapped his long, long legs around Walter's hips and pulled him in strongly causing them both to cry out.

It did hurt Fox, Walter's hard length thrust so suddenly so deep inside him, but it felt so good to feel him all the way inside to be filled with him, that he had to have him as close as possible. Walter waited, his aching cock rejoicing in being in such blissful, tight heat, his heart full as Fox wrapped himself around him, clutching him desperately with his arms and legs and pressing hot, wet kisses and whispering incoherent words against his neck.

Soon it was too much just to lie there and he began thrusting gently, slowly into the heavenly heat clenched so tightly around him. Fox's small, desperate noises as he fucked him slowly, gently, filling him; thrusting in a deeply as he could drove him on. The feel of Fox's hot dripping cock blazing against his stomach causing him to thrust harder.

Suddenly he felt Fox arch desperately against him and cry out his name, as his ass clenched even more tightly around him and he came hard. The knowledge that he had done this, driven Mulder to orgasm, was fucking Mulder, Fox, was too much and thrusting in harshly twice more he came, latching desperately onto Fox's panting mouth, kissing him frantically.

They held each other tightly for a very long time before Walter moved off of Fox. Fox refused to let him go pulling his arms around him and so they fell asleep spooned against each other and as Walter held the beautiful body pressed against him, he knew he'd come home.

home he remembered home he couldn't name it couldn't say where it was but he remembered it was soft deep brown eyes warm strong arms a steady heartbeat at his back comfort joy love remembered love and trust and need and strength and support everything was home everything he needed in those eyes he held the memory close it made him strong he'd get back he'd find his home they couldn't take it from him home eyes love home.

Walter shifted in his sleep, moaning softly in pleasure and pain at the treasured memory. They had found such comfort in each other, such solace. In their love they had found needs in each other that they could meet together. Once Fox had learned to trust him he needed to fall into that trust, to trust completely, and have Walter catch him. Walter had found the strength to give Fox what he needed and taken pleasure in meeting those needs, fulfilling something deep inside himself at the same time. His heart burned as he thought of Mulder held against his will by someone, *something*, tormented him with what he might be going through. His memories claimed him again.

Fox shuddered as Walter ran a hand gently down his side. He'd been waiting what seemed like an age and the sudden, although gentle, touch seemed to almost spark on his flesh, over-sensitized by the wait. The silken scarves that bound his hands to the beam overhead were easy to slip out of if he tried, but he hadn't, even when he thought the waiting would drive him crazy. He trusted Walter, despite being bound and naked, blindfolded in the middle of the room. The large, gentle hands roamed freely over his body, gently caressing his ribs, his arms, his vulnerable belly with sure, soft, arousing touches. He shivered at each touch, feeling arousal course through him. It was easier to let his feelings overrun him when he was blindfolded.

Walter wondered if he knew when an astounding sight he made, naked and flushed, his beautiful body shifting unconsciously as he waited, knowing full well that Walter was watching him. Walter loved these moments, knowing that Fox was waiting, just waiting for him to come and take him. He knew, right now, it was an act of will for Fox to stand still and trusting, but he knew, soon enough, the absolute trust would become real and natural, that they would find that place he needed.

Finally he could resist no longer and ran his hand down the soft skin of Fox's side, feeling the body shiver in response. He took pleasure in touching the vulnerable flesh, caressing and arousing until the captive body shivered in arousal, cock standing proudly erect.

Fox made a low noise deep in his throat when Walter let his hand finally touch the small tight nipples, shuddering when Walter playfully pinched first one then the other.

He yelped when warm wet heat closed around one and suckled, shivering and moaning as the sensations ran through him straight to his cock, before the nipple was abandoned to tighten in the cool air as the other was treated to the same.

Walter smiled as he pulled back, seeing Fox's hips thrusting unconsciously forward, seeking the attention lavished on his tender nipples. He knelt down and breathed teasingly over the aching flesh, making Fox moan and shudder, thrusting forward eagerly. He chuckled evilly and brushed a swift kiss on the tip of the cock, hearing Fox's despairing moan, and moved behind him.

Fox spread his legs eagerly as Walter parted his cheeks and exposed his tender anus. He licked teasingly along the sensitive crease, hearing Mulder groan until returning to torment the tender opening. He teased the sensitive flesh until Fox begged breathlessly and then thrust in deep, fucking him with his tongue. Fox wailed in response, trying to get more inside him, but Walter held his hips firmly, fucking him leisurely, ignoring Fox's panting pleading.

He heard the pleas, but continued in his work until he was sure with the continuous moans that Fox had lost himself in the sensations. Finally he moved away, certain that Fox was where he needed to be.

He reached up and released Fox's hands, slapping them away from his straining groin as they went there automatically. He removed the blindfold and stared into blinking, lust hazed eyes before swooping down and kissing the lush, slightly swollen where they had been bitten, lips.

He stepped back when they were both breathless before reaching down to his fly and releasing his own straining cock. Fox moaned at the thought of neglecting his own aching flesh, but didn't hesitate to fall to his knees and take Walter in his mouth. The taste of him, the size of him filling his mouth made him groan and he clasped his hands behind his back to keep from touching himself.

Walter sighed as his throbbing flesh was taken into the silken heat of Fox's mouth. He shivered at as the full soft lips and warm hot mouth closed around him and he groaned at the sight of Fox's beautiful lips stretched around his needy flesh. He took hold of Fox's silky hair and thrust deeply into the eager mouth, shuddering as Fox's groan reverberated around his sensitive flesh. He fucked Fox's mouth, enjoying the soft warm place, and hearing Fox's needy groans as he filled the eager mouth with himself.

Fox shuddered as he felt Walter thrust forward, fucking his throat in his eagerness, thrilling at the thought of giving Walter so much pleasure, thrusting his own hips forward in response. When Walter came soon after, he swallowed greedily. He continued to lavish Walter's sensitive flesh until finally he pushed him away. Fox rested his head on one strong thigh, panting breathlessly, now Walter's pleasure had been seen to, terribly aware of his own desperately aching cock.

Walter pulled him to his feet and he stood unsteadily before him. He kissed him, smiling and gently squeezed Fox's needy flesh, "Not yet," he whispered, and Fox's cock jumped at the thought of what was to come.

Walter sat on the edge of the bed admiring Fox who stood obediently, head down, cock straining and hands clasped behind him.

"Go and get your paddle," he commanded.

Fox shivered in fear and anticipation at those words, but went to the bedside cabinet to retrieve the leather paddle. There was no thought of defiance, and he floated in contentment even as he shivered in fear, knowing that Walter would do as he liked with him, but trusting he would always bring him back.

He handed Walter the paddle, before getting into position over his thighs. He shivered as Walter ran his hand over his naked, exposed ass. He never felt so achingly vulnerable as when he lay with his bare bottom on display, awaiting a spanking, but never so hypersensitive, and he trembled.

The paddle came down with a loud crack on the defenseless buttocks, and he cried out, always surprised at just how painful it was. The strong arm on his back kept him from moving, but his reddened ass wriggled as he waited for the next blow. He jumped as the paddle struck again, bringing with it another streak of fire on his tender ass. The paddle fell again and again, and he began to lose himself in the stinging sensations, his focus reduced to his throbbing ass and his straining cock as he thrust moaning against Walter's thighs.

Walter continued to spank the writhing red bottom over his knees enjoying the sight as the buttocks clenched awaiting the next smack and wriggled after each stinging blow. He felt Fox's hard cock rubbing against him as he spanked the beautiful, red bottom.

Fox began to sob in need as the sensations overwhelmed him as always, sensation combining and twisting with emotion until they became indistinguishable and he lost himself. His ass felt as though it were on fire and he sobbed and writhed but craved each blow, thrusting back to meet the stinging paddle and forward to rub his throbbing cock against Walter's hard thighs.

He came suddenly yelling as pleasure and pain melded leaving him drained. Walter caressed the quivering sensitive red cheeks as Fox sobbed.

Finally he pushed Fox off his lap to his knees. Fox raised his tearstained face blindly and Walter lavished his flushed cheeks and full lips with kisses, pulling him up onto his lap and holding him as Fox clung desperately to him.

"I love you, Walter," he whispered against his lips and Walter rewarded him with deep wet kisses that left them both breathless.

Eventually Walter, his cock renewed from spanking Fox, helped Fox to lie on his front and raised his red bottom with pillows beneath his hips. He moved between Fox's spread thighs and caressed the hot stinging flesh, feeling the tender cheeks quiver under his touch. He reached over to the bedside cabinet and picked up a tube of lube. He ran one slick finger along the sensitive crack between stinging buttocks and smiled as Fox moaned, his arousal beginning to grow again. He thrust one finger into Fox's tight ass and heard him groan, tightening unconsciously around his finger, he thrust in another and began to slowly fuck Fox with two fingers. With his other hand he alternated between caressing hypersensitive, stinging, red buttocks and teasing the tight, tender balls accessible between Fox's spread thighs, delighting in the strangled groans.

He waited until Fox was moaning desperately and thrusting against the pillows, enjoying the sight of the red, thoroughly spanked, trembling bottom fucking itself on his fingers. He slicked up his cock and thrust fully into Fox's tight ass, enjoying the wail as pain and pleasure mingled once again as Fox found himself suddenly penetrated so deeply.

Fox groaned as Walter angled himself to brush over the prostate, seeing stars as his ass was thoroughly fucked. He cried at the sensation of being so completely possessed, Walter's thick cock driving into him mercilessly and at the overwhelming sensations he came, sobbing Walter's name. Walter continued to thrust into his hot ass, filling him relentlessly until he came and collapsed on him, holding him fiercely. Fox turned in his arms to face him, his eyes heavy with exhausted satisfaction. he kissed Walter gently on the mouth, "Thank you," he whispered.

Walter chuckled, "My pleasure."

pleasure and love trust and strength he knows them he remembers the peace of home of trust of love and when he searches for them searches he knows they are waiting he is waiting he just has to find him

There are tears on Walter's face as he reaches unconsciously to the other side of the bed, hoping to find the warm, beloved body that is not there. He blames himself. Fox trusted him, not just with his life, but with his body, his heart, his soul, trusted him with himself. His face twists in pain as he remembers that last night the feeling of helplessness as he watched Fox being taken from him. The nightmares are waiting for him, tormented images of what Fox might be going through. Guilty images of Fox calling for him in torment and him watching through glass, unable to help him. On the cusp of the nightmares he dreams he feels a ghostly touch to his hand, a specter of his Fox reassuring him in his sleep. He sighs, this is a kinder dream than normal, but so many dreams, so many. He knows this is one too. His Fox still lost to him. The imagined touch calms him though and he turns over to find a happier dream. He cries in his sleep, but this time he dreams of what it will be like when his Fox comes home.

Home. He knew he could find it. He watches the sleeping figure, drawing peace from it. He doesn't remember everything but it is becoming more clear. His thoughts are far more coherent. He'd found his way home on instinct rather than memory and now he's found it he feels a deep blessed peace, but painful uncertainty as his memory fails him again and again. Love. For a rash moment he wants to wake him and see the beautiful warm, deep brown eyes that had stayed with him through even the darkest times. He remembers more now, but not enough. He doesn't know if his memory will ever return, and what he does have is not enough. He watches the handsome face twist and sees tears fall from closed eyes. Unthinking he reaches out a hand to touch the strong fingers and the figure calms. There are still tears, but the distressed countenance is gone. He reaches out a hand to wipe away the tears and it brushes softly against the hot, wet cheek. Tears fall from his own eyes as he remembers fragments of a life, but he can't quite grasp more than feelings and images, a few words, a sense of safety and warmth.

Suddenly he inhales sharply. He knows abruptly, horrifically, but with absolute certainty that he is the cause of the tears on the beloved face, but can't quite remember why. He bites at his lip as he tries to remember, but it eludes him as so much does. What had he done to cause such pain? Was that why he'd been taken away? The thought chills him and he shivers. He watches another tear fall from the closed eyes and he cries himself at the thought of causing the crystal tears to fall down the beautiful face.

He allows himself a moment of comfort, even though he knows he doesn't deserve it, and presses his tear stained face against the hot hand. He shivers with pleasure as the thumb unconsciously strokes a tear away.

With a small broken moan he moves away, fearful of waking him and causing more pain. He draws the strength to go from the tears on the beloved face. He must. Someday he will find out what he did so wrong that he he caused such pain. He'd put it right, he resolved. Until then he must stay away, not wanting to hurt him any more. He bravely turns with one last longing look and slips away.

Walter wakes with a start, unsure of what woke him, and as usual he wakes with tears on his face, but is surprised to find tears on his hand and that, somehow, those tears seem to burn.

 

E-mail me ...I would love to hear from you.  
http://geocities.com/eveverfrost/indexjas.html

  
Archived: April 10, 2001 


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